today's the day

Once every few weeks or so, I decide that “today’s the day” I will begin to live my life assiduously and fully. The assumption is that every day after that will follow, like that first day just provides the catalyst for some perpetual chemical reaction. My “today’s the day” decision involves several criteria, including improving my exercise regimen and diet, working harder, watching less television, and basically not doing any of the things I regularly do that make me feel guilty, such as going to 7-Eleven for taquitos at two in the morning, watching television until even later, masturbating to the kind of pornography that makes me feel dirty afterward, and being shy in social situations. Once in a while, after I’ve made this promise to myself, I last a day or two before slipping back into my typical behavior. While I always fail eventually, the hours in which I judge myself as virtuous make me feel like I have the great power that the I Ching told me I could have.
So, today’s the day, and this time I’m going to make it last. I’m going to bend like a reed in the wind, but never break, I’m going to be superhuman, superego, Superman, leaping buildings and working like a titan and at least, when I make the inevitable mistake, I will leave a me-shaped hole in the wall. I will go down swinging. I may fall to the ground, but I will get up off the mat. I am out of clichés.
Anyway, after visiting 7-Eleven twice yesterday, finishing my taquitos and cheetos before I had completed the one block walk to my bicycle, after I stayed up late watching Battlestar Galactica, a show I have no interest in, and after masturbating twice to the dirtiest kind of smut, the kind that makes me shake with guilt and pray that god isn’t watching when I’m through, after all of this, and after I woke up late and watched more Battlestar Galactica, I decided that today would be the day. I woke up, masturbated without pornography, exercised, and went to work. So, eight hours in, today is the day. Let’s hope this sticks.