Labor Day Party

My boss is overseas, but he wanted to set up a VERY IMPORTANT MEETING on the phone. We went over times, and it seemed that the best time was Monday 9:00 A.M. I also thought that having this meeting was VERY IMPORTANT, so I masochistically turned down many social opportunities for the purpose of talking over my project with my boss, whose input I genuinely value and to whom I am indebted to for agreeing with me on the project's significance. I made my way to the office at 8AM on Labor Day, prepped for an hour, and waited for another half hour. I did not have his European phone number.

Eventually I emailed him. I didn't hear from him for a while. Eventually I received an email in return.

Marcel,

I apologize. I realized it was Labor Day in America, and didn't think you'd be at the office. We'll have to chat later this week.

thanks!
Boss

Well yes, I thought to myself. I wouldn't be at work, if we hadn't arranged a meeting during this time.

Fucking unacceptable.

So, Tuesday was Labor Day for me. I stayed home from work today, for once feeling totally justified because I put in a full day yesterday out of spite. And then I celebrated by eating a lot, sleeping, reading books for pleasure, taking a fantastic bath in front of the television, and catching up with friends. I wouldn't have minded a barbecue, but my celebration was sufficient. It's nice when you can slack off without the guilt.

last week, cooling my jets

Last week was one of the shittier weeks I've had this year. In spite of the insomnia, I had one of the most productive weeks I've ever had at work. Additionally, I might be approaching a peak in physical condition I haven't seen since college sports. But, it was hard to enjoy these things when I could barely keep my head up, and when my exhaustion gave me this filmy pessimism that encroached on everything.

Then I had these three dates. For two of them, I felt tentative and lukewarm about even showing up. One was a girl I dated for a short time, and the other was a labmate from my undergraduate days who had just moved into town. For both, the conversation was fun, there was a lot of laughter, a little touching, the intimation that more time together would be welcome.

I left feeling lukewarm and tentative about ever showing up again.

The third date, with Wendy, was an unmitigated disaster. Of the the three, this was the only one where I thought it could turn into something, maybe. Wendy did not like me, to the point where, after I spent a few minutes with her, I was surprised she had even agreed to come out. Every conversational attempt I made was met with a passivity bordering on hostility. Eventually, I said "fuck it, not worth it" to myself and went home. These things happen. There are whole songs about this cliche, where no one I like is into me, and vice versa.

But, I was left doubting my ability to read people. How could I have possibly thought this woman was interested in me? What makes me think I'm into these people who I don't connect with? Could I think about any specific trait Wendy had that I was particularly drawn to? Then I remembered the infrequency with which I meet people I feel really attracted (beyond physically) too, and the number of times I've gotten myself into trouble from trying to force the issue. So, I figured I'd quit the dating, or at least cool it, for a while. I don't need to be throwing myself at people who aren't worth the time. I've got better things to do, like trying to get seven hours of sleep in a night.